I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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