God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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