just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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