Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize