dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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