So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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