Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
