but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize