If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
