im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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