So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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