i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
