She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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