I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
