I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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