she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
