Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
