living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
