TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
