The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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