Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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