Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
