one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Semen is not good for contacts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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