He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
