dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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