I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
