Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
