Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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