Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
