I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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