Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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