Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
