My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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