just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
