she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize