found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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