So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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