Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
