Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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