I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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