on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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