Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
