My cat gives me a boner
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When are your genitals available?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
