So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
