its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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