i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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