We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
