so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ttyl tear gas
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
