sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
