It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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