I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
