I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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