just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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