apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
