I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
