shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
