I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
