found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
