he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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