I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
