whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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