Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
