Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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