how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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