That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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