Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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