either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
