I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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