I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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