my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
