i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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