Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
